I just noticed: my wish list for Christmas contains a comic titled "Number 5" and a CD titled "Number Seven". How odd.

To read.

To do. (Yes, it's British. Doesn't mean that only Brits can participate.)

ETA: Quoted for Awesomenewss and Truth:

"I was born in the early 70s as part of the MTV generation who were told by a million adverts that the point of our existence was to shop more. Daunting though the task ahead may be, I personally feel enormously inspired and quite relieved that it turns out that we have something important to do. The people who came before us didn’t know about climate change and the ones who come after will be powerless to stop it. So it’s down to us. Other generations came together to overturn slavery or end apartheid or win the vote for women. There is nothing intrinsically more useless about our generation and there is no doubt about what we have to do. The only question which remains is whether or not we give it a go." (Franny Armstrong, here)

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/200911/introversion-and-the-energy-equation

This is interesting, because I've referred to myself, on occasion, as an emotional vampire - and I didn't know that expression was used by other people as well. It's also interesting that the article talks about energy in relation to social interactions, because when I try to explain my problem with social life to people, I often refer to my available level of energy. I usually say I'm a "low energy person" when it comes to social life. ETA: Actually, I'm a low energy person in general, I think. There is - usually - only very little energy available in my psyche for social relations, and that means I can be a good friend to one or two people - maybe three; or I can be a bad friend to more. There is only so much energy to go around.

"Emotional vampire" is a very negative term of course, and the description makes it sound like a choice: emotional vampires "tend to like a big return but don't like making such a big investment" - "like" and "don't like", not "need" and "can't". Emotional vampires are, in other words, (somewhat) deliberately exploiting other people. Maybe - well, okay, *certainly* - this is true for some people. But, speaking for myself, this is definitely *not* something I do because I "like" it. Rather, it's something that happens because I have an unfortunate need for deep connection paired with an extremely low energy level available for social interactions.

The situation is exacerbated by the fact that, I think, the same description also fits rather a lot of the people I care about. Which means that none of us can fulfill the other's needs. We all need more from the other than we can give. A lot of the time; maybe most of the time. When I've seen a friend or two, or written an e-mail or two, or made a phonecall or two, that - usually - means I've exhausted my social energy reservoir for the week. I have seriously considered making a schedule of some sort, spacing out social contacts according to some rota so that everyone I care about gets at least *some* attention from me, if only at long intervals. Of course, social life doesn't really work that way.

ETA 2: Sorry, no replies to comments today; awfully busy day, just needed to ramble about this for a moment because it seemed so a propos.

the biggest "brain freeze factor" in the previous glimpse into my psyche is the "social stuff" - I can make reasonably good To Do lists for things like fixing my bike and doing the dishes, but I'm unable to handle my social life in a similar manner. (Also, the unfixed bike - which tends to come at the bottom of my To Do list and so has remained unfixed for, err, years *is ashamed* - does not cause me anywhere near the constant emotional anguish that my neglected friends do.) So, since I can't handle social life properly, instead I kind of don't handle it at all, drifting further and further away from everyone I care about. Which sucks and makes me and - probably - everyone involved unhappy.

I'm afraid of taking this particular problem to a therapist, though, because I'm afraid the therapist would tell me to decide which people I "*really* care about", and essentially ditch all the others. Because I care about *all* of them, and while there are a handful of people I feel closest to (an emotional fact which, by now, is not actually founded on any kind of "real" fact anymore, as I don't see or talk to any of these people on a regular basis), I would not want to lose the rest, either.

Except of course I'm currently losing everyone.

This is what is going on in my brain... *much* of the time. Far too often. This is what makes me so inefficient and unreliable:

"I want to write fic but it's six a.m. so I need to try to sleep because tomorrow today I have to clean the flat, call prospective employers, take care of my subscription, take care of the TBFC trip, and the trip to Copenhagen, and find out if it's okay to stop over in Hannover and Kiel, and make an appointment with my doctor about how I can't sleep and all this other shit, and my mum wants to go shopping with me on Friday and there's the FS dinner, and that's another day lost for all the things I need to do and oh god I miss R I need to reply to her mail I miss D I need to contact her I miss C I need to contact her I miss N I need to call him I miss A I need to call her I miss K I need to e-mail her and hell I miss (other) A and K and (other) N and (other) R and I'd like to see A again, too, and meet S, and ask (other) S if she's still coming to Frankfurt, and ask M about the pictures and contact F about last month and call my grandparents and my aunt and uncle and make that gift for my cousin's little son and there's that many-years-old half-finished gift for D, too, and god, all the unfinished jewellery, for my mum, for E, for my aunt, for S, and I won't be able to get to any of that in the next three days or so with all the crap I have to do today and my mum wanting to go shopping (and I *need* that sleeping bag, too), and the Greenpeace action and a homework assignment due on Saturday evening, and the radio meeting on Sunday, and then there's the heap of unopened letters on my desk that's been there for weeks, and I haven't written a job application in *weeks*, and there's so much fandom stuff I never get around to, the archive, the recs journal, the fic recs, the websites, the vidding, the vid collecting, the vid organising, and so many people I'm losing touch with, I need to contact so many people but I need to take care of fixing the door of the chest of drawers, too, and take my old laptop to be recycled and my old medications and old batteries to be disposed of, and take care of my financial mess, and find a job, and another job, and an internship, and another internship, and I need to contact 350.org and tell them why I bailed last year, and contact S and tell her why I never contacted her, and do that other homework, and the next one, and buy shoes that don't have holes and that I'm not allergic to, and backup my LJ and shit, I need to contact my job coach but first make that list she told me to make, and I need to find out if I'm entitled to any kind of financial help, too, and I need to find out about that taxes thing, and I think I forgot to pay my dues with the SFCD and the DTG this year and I really need to fix that and contact the DTG people especially, and my bike's still broken, and I need to learn Excel, and work on my Spanish, and my French, and I should make an appointment with the dentist, and reply to E's e-mail and F's e-mail and read at least *some* people's Ljs, especially a few I'm really worried about, but then there's still so much job hunting to do and I haven't done any goldsmithing in months and I need to finish those gifts and get more effective about climate change, and prepare content for the radio show, and do my homework, and do the laundry and the dishes, and.... (repeat ad infinitum)"

I *am*, despite all the RL activity going on in my life at the moment, and despite the recent noises I've made about Farscape, still fantasising about LoM pretty much 24/7. Just can't find the time/peace of mind to actually write something. Curses!

To make up for that I'm rereading the Undercover series, and still loving it to pieces. I still marvel how a slash series can hit my kink buttons so perfectly. Though maybe some of the beauty of it is precisely how it hits my kink buttons but does so from an unexpected direction...

So, yeah. Fannishness still present here; never worry. *g*

1.) If you're curious about the 24th of October, I was here (because I was in Stuttgart for a seminar that weekend):

http://www.flickr.com/photos/350org/4040504650/in/set-72157622456565995/

(Admittedly, I didn't strip - I didn't have a swimsuit - so instead I just walked around and handed out flyers to passers-by.)

It was fun. But oh, wouldn't it be great if we could get...

2.) ... these kind of numbers?

3.) I'm going to Copenhagen in December, with Greenpeace footing the bill, in exchange for five or six days of behind-the-scenes work (kitchen help or something similar). This has the advantage of keeping me out of potential trouble while still allowing me to do something to support the protests. Also, yeah, zero cost for travel, accommodation and food is good.

4.) Even though most of my time will be spent doing unglamorous, invisible work, I *will* participate in the big demonstration on the 12th. Now, I'm not the confrontational sort - I wouldn't be going to Copenhagen to peel potatoes otherwise! *g* - but with the proposed new Danish anti-protest laws even just being near a completely legal demonstration can get you arrested and fined, or even put in jail for up to 40 days. Here's how you can help to keep me and other legitimate protesters out of jail:

If you're German: http://bewegung.taz.de/aktionen/http--www-taz-de-1-politik-europa-artikel-1-klima-demos-unerwuenscht/beschreibung#description

Internationally: http://danlaw.epetitions.net/

5.) Funny: I only just noticed that the new German cabinet, which isn't *that* new anymore, is pretty good on the diversity front. In fact, it's probably the most diverse cabinet we've ever had. Which is ironic, considering it's a conservative government.

Okay, so only five out of the fifteen members are women - but one of them is the Chancellor. And among the men there's a) an openly gay man, who has the second most powerful position after the Chancellor, b) an Asian-looking man, and c) a wheelchair user. So that's three minorities represented.

Of course, the presence of Westerwelle, Rösler and Schäuble is not quite the triumph of underprivileged minorities that it may look at first sight. Westerwelle was well-known and successful long before he came out; likewise, Schäuble only acquired his disability at a relatively late point in his political career. And Rösler is not only a member of the 'least hated' ethnic minority - agitators on the right often cite Asians as a positive example for successful and welcome immigration, especially compared to the large and increasingly openly maligned Turkish minority - but was also adopted into a German middle class family as a baby. Still, I'm pretty sure it's good for people's perception of what 'non-standard' [for 'standard' read: 'white, heterosexual, able-bodied men'] people can do to have these visibly 'different' people in the government. Even if there is little else that I can say to praise the new government.

Instead, I went on a Farscape fic reading spree. For the first time in, what... seven years? *boggles*

I need, need, need to scape someone.

Also, if this continues, I may have to reinstate one of my old Farscape LJ icons...

Actually, why don't I do that right now? I'm not producing enough meta to justify the meta icon anyway; so begone, meta icon! And welcome back, Farscape angst icon!

Oh, John. Oh, Farscape.

So many kinds of angst.

<3

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Gunz-Yo-lyrics-Sage-Francis/F413860D1ADBF90C48256F9C00088E14

I often have trouble understanding hiphop lyrics because they're usually sung/spoken very fast, and there's usually accent issues, too, but the lyrics are kinda essential to the vid, so it may be helpful to read them before you watch the vid. Or after. Or in between. :-)

The song is so very perfect for John...

http://beccatoria.livejournal.com/100884.html?view=1445396

A vid about Farscape's central relationship pentagon: John/Scorpius/Guns/Wormholes/Aeryn

I will be reccing this at fs_10percent... later. As in, next week, possibly. First I need to watch it another twenty times or so, so as to understand all the facets, and then I have to do some Greenpeace stuff, and reinstall my system, and so on. I don't think I'll have the leisure for a proper rec this week.

(ETA: I should perhaps add that me having to reinstall my system has nothing to do with me having watched this vid. *g* My system's been borked for a few weeks now, and I hope a computer-savvy friend of mine will have some time to help me restore it to full functionality this weekend.)

It's been a while since I did one of those, so, so as to keep a complete record of the games I *really* enjoy, here's some - mostly - more recent recs.

But first, two public service announcements:

The Submachine series, which recently gained a sixth part, has a new home: http://www.pastelportal.com/stories/the-submachines/

And so does the Deep Chalk series, which likewise gained a new part somewhat recently: http://www.deepchalk.net/

Okay. Newish discoveries:

http://www.alchemiagame.com/ - Alchemia, a nice point-and-click adventure in the vein of Samorost

http://www.bubblebox.com/play/adventure/1362.htm - Morningstar, a science fiction point-and-click adventure

http://www.smallgreenhill.com/games/finwick/ - Finwick, a beautiful platformer (only the first 26 levels are free, though, the rest costs 5 dollars.)

http://windosill.com/ - Windosill, quite possibly Vectorpark's best game yet (only half of it is free, the rest costs 3 dollars.)

http://jayisgames.com/cgdc6/?gameID=9 - Small Worlds, an unusual, beautiful and slightly disturbing exploration platformer

Also, I'd like to link you to Hapland, a series I really like (although I never managed to finish the third part), but the creator's site seems to have gone MIA. I'm sure you can find it on other sites via google, though. I just don't have the time to do the searching.

I've just paid my quarter-annual (or so) visit to simm_daily and am surprised to discover that I like hardly any of the recent pics. Specifically, something about his facial expressions has turned odd. Maybe he's finally found his "I'm-being-photographed face"? Because one thing I notice is that all, or most of these pics look kind of the same. Anyway, there's something there that feels fake.

Or am I simply beginning to go off the Simm? Nah... that can't be it. Can it?

*hugs Sam Tyler*

I meant to do a big post about pre-Kopenhagen climate campaigns today but I'm a bit too tired for that tonight, as it's rather a lot of work. So, instead of a big post, here's a small one about something that's happening this weekend, and that many of you can participate in quite easily.

But first, a video.

Okay. Watched that? Good. :-)

So. October 24th is one of several international Days of Action coming up in preparation of the very important Kopenhagen conference. I think it's absolutely vital that all of these Days of Action find as many participants as possible, as that is basically our only way of countering the forces that are fighting against the political/social/cultural change that we so desperately need. We'll never have as much money as those who fight for the status quo - they're fighting for it because it makes them a lot of money, after all. So the only thing we can set against their money-based lobbying power is numbers-based lobbying power; i.e., we need to show that we are many.

(Yes, I know money counts more than people in the political process as it works today. Still, if you get *enough* people out in the streets in support of some issue, that's not *completely* worthless, and anyway, we have to fight with what we've got.)

So, if you can find any time at all on the 24th, do join this Day of Action. The more there are of us, the more powerful our statement.

October 24th will see a wide variety of activities in about 160 countries around the world. So far some 2,500 activities have been announced. Click here to find out if there is something happening near where you live.

Ironically, I can't participate myself because I have a Greenpeace seminar that lasts all weekend. Arrgh. But, Frankfurt readers of this blog, check your e-mail, tomorrow, for a tip regarding something that *you* can do in my stead on October 24 in Frankfurt. The local Greenpeace group is preparing a small action - very tame, so no need to worry about risking your careers or anything. ;-) Anyway, more about that tomorrow.

Sometimes it really is true that a picture says more than a thousand words. Chris Jordan makes the argument for a radical change of our throwaway culture more convincingly than any essay, no matter how passionate, could:

http://www.chrisjordan.com/current_set2.php?id=11

Because I just discovered these again on my webspace:

The very gorgeous John Simm emoting most beautifully all over the place.

(ETA: No particular connection between the titles of those files/links and the images, btw. I just randomly assigned all the words of the sentence one image each; so 'beautifully' is *not* the most beautiful, etc.)

by the North Sea. Today they called me to tell me that they saw a bunch of signs spaced evenly along the beach. On the signs, there was printed the following gem of wisdom:

"God promised mankind that there would never be another Great Flood."

So, I guess that's all right then. We don't really need to change our lifestyle or our culture and society. As long as we put enough signs on the beach to remind the sea that God doesn't *want* it to rise...

(I wonder... did God also promise us that there would never be another drought? Because actually, droughts are probably going to be the main problem, at least in the immediate future... Well, droughts, and torrential rains.)

* Note to religious people from my flist, re: the tag I'm filing this under. This refers not to religion as such. It just refers to the idea that we needn't ever worry about the results of our collective behaviour biting our collective behinds. I'm not a believer (in any religion), but even if I were a Christian, I don't think God's promise to Noah means: "Even if you humans manage to screw up natural balances so badly that things on this planet are getting seriously out of whack, I'm going to sway the laws of nature for you, I'm going to prevent the ice from melting and prevent the thermal expansion of the water of the oceans etc., so you can just continue to behave like idiots forever and ever." And, well, even if I *did* believe in a God *that* lenient and merciful, I don't think he'd really *want* us to behave like immature children who don't want to keep their room in order (or clean up the messes they've made) - and we sure as hell shouldn't *strive* to behave like that, or defend that kind of behaviour. No matter if he's going to punish us or not.

JOB APPLICATIONS!
COMPUTER TROUBLE!
GREENPEACE STUFF!

Hey, how cool. All the things that are stressing me out a bit at the moment have exactly the same number of characters (if you count spaces, too ETA: Err, and if you don't count spaces, as well. *sheepish*)

But, yeah. Why is my life always *too full* of stuff to do? Why? WHY???

I'd like to have some time for writing, jewellery making, and friends, please.

I love Farscape so much. It's like it was specifically made to fit into a Farscape-shaped slot in my soul that had always been waiting for it.

I need someone new to scape. It's been two years since I last made a convert.

**

In other news - or, well, in news, as the above hardly constitutes news: I've sent three job applications in the last two days, and will send another tomorrow. That brings the total (since finishing uni) up to five, which may not sound like a very high number, but you have to remember my qualifications are somewhat exotic, so there aren't many jobs that I can actually apply for. So far I've applied to two archaeological museums, one arts and crafts museum, and to my university's enrollment office. The job I'm about to apply for tomorrow (well, today, really) is with an environmental organisation.